Thank You for Hell

I decided to explain to you all
All you people I don't know and who don't care about me
The meaning to my art.
The meaning to me.
The gore? The cussing? The fighting?
You think I'm just attention hungry?
You're SICK.
SICK PEOPLE WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND SHIT IF YOU THINK THAT!
Yes, I'm starving for attention- absolutely- but not cause I have a boring life. It's because I don't want to feel so alone anymore.
Don't you see?
How could you judge me?
HOW?
WHY?
I try my hardest to be a friend to you all- to people I don't even know!- because I care so deeply and I'm so desperate for people to NOT have to go through what I have.
Don't you get that?
I'm fourteen years old.
I started cutting at 12.
I quit a couple weeks ago.
I was sexually FUCKED, but not quite raped (physically, but verbally I was plenty of times) less than seven months ago.
My best friend left me for him.
My brother in everything but blood left me for him.
All my friends in that entire school left me for him-
and not only did they all leave, but they mocked me when they left
"slut"
"whore"
"bitch"
"attention starving"
"liar"
because the man- NO, the BOY who did what he did to me was more popular and they all believed his story
That I sleep around
That I'm a total slut
No, I'm not like that at all, let me assure you.
And even if I wanted to be, I couldn't, because it's the most terrifying thing in the world to me after all he said about me and to me.
My family is split up.
My bestboyfriend is an asshole and /I/ had to leave him because all he did was hurt me.
My real best friend- my sister and my brother- live across an ocean.
I have A's and B's in all my classes and when I get one C on a test, I'm grounded
My parents hate me
I'm all alone here
And when I get on my computer
Turn up the music
Drown myself in nothingness
and draw
I expect to just.. I don't know
To not be mocked anymore
or judged.
Is that too much to ask?
I don't know.
For 5 months, I was sworn to secrecy by this boy so he could cover his tracks in the mean time.
And now, I just want to tell everyone and I don't know why.
So here I am.
Vomiting information on all of you.
But I won't leave this 'discussion' like he left our last one
He said to me
"I don't love you, Xavier. Have a nice day."
and walked away and out of my life
forever.
so.
TALK LATER
Guys.
Peers.
Fans.
Haters.
Judgers.
Whoever you are.
T.T.Y.L.

Literature and Justice (C) Xavier
Art (C) Jinglez on TLKFAA